diy | sperm cornhole

PicMonkey Collage

it’s turned into a sticky summer
one that leaves you panting
for a breeze
a lick of ice cream
or sip of cloyingly sweet iced tea
it’s the time of year
where the least amount of activity,
the less movement the better
zero plans are made
but as life would have it
it’s been an engaging time
making plans
going to & fro
that’s just how it is,
isn’t it?

– – –

always toward, for mama fig

for a long time she imagined
a life spent
not tending to her thoughts,
instead
minding another.
she imagined she would become
like the women pictured,
tender,
supple,
full of grace
steadfast
but then time watered
down the colors
that came from the light
of the window.
she muted the chatter,
listened to her thundering heart,
kept to the beat of it
and leapt forward
always toward
exactly what she had
imagined

Sperm Corn Hole - DIY

how to sew sperm beanies, for Sperm Corn Hole
for a baby shower, because keeping it classy means playing with sperm

materials:

  • 3 grey felt sheets, i bought mine for $0.29/each from Michael’s
  • sperm template, i did a google search for the term “sperm” and chose this template. an alternative search term could be “tadpole”
  • scissors
  • yarn, scraps from previous yarn projects
  • yarn needle
  • dried beans, i used lima beans

directions:
size the sperm template according to how big you want the beanbag to be. keep it within reason, easy to hold in one hand. print on paper.
cut the shape out.
for ease, tape the cut out to the felt sheet, i was able to fit 3 per sheet, and cut the felt sheet along the outline of the sperm template.
follow through with the rest of the felt sheets, until you get 9 sperms (this is an odd # i know. you’ll have an extra sperm)

Sperm Corn Hole - DIY

thread your needle with yarn of choice.
layer two sperm felt sheets until they are evenly matched.

Sperm Corn Hole - DIY

sew along the edge. my 7th grade home ec teach would be so proud of my stitching, i kept it really close and tight together. you don’t want the things to burst mid throw and beans to go flying everywhere.
when you’ve sewn a good 90% of the way around, add your beans in. don’t fill it to bursting, but you want it to fill the crevices and for the bag to have heft. it makes for better throwing.

Sperm Corn Hole - DIY

sew the gap, being careful to tie the end appropriately.

Sperm Corn Hole - DIY

alternatively, if you have a sewing machine, you can sew it that way, it’d be faster and easier but honestly, each beanie took me about 30 minutes to sew by hand.

BAM!

cornhole
bottom photo used with permission from d.bair

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ultimate white cake

chocolate kissed white cake

when she was a girl, and still growing, ravenous, whenever there had been a cake – a sponge cake, dusted with sugar, which mrs. hill had conjured up out of eggs and flour and creamy butter — sarah would never even herself look at it, because she knew that it was not for her… so sarah would stare instead at the carpet underneath her feet, or the rippled yellow curtains in the parlour, and would do her best not to breathe, not to inhale the scent of vanilla or lemon or almonds; even to glance at the cake was an impossible agony.

and for months, she realized, james had hardly looked at her at all.
~Longbourn by Jo Baker

this book
just read it
i will freely admit
to feeling anger towards
elizabeth
even jane
and mr. darcy
the book is written from
the perspective of the servants
in Pride & Prejudice
and our hero & heroine
are not painted in the most
forgiving light

anyway
just read it
you’re welcome

Chocolate Kissed White Cake

chocolate kissed white cake (dairy free)
inspiration attire
adapted from garlic girl

*note: one of my hires is expecting a wee lass. we’re having a shower for her today and this was one of my contributions to the fete. i’m not for superlatives but i will say that this was one of the easier white cakes i’ve dealt with, the last one being nuria’s wedding cake which was a chiffon cake. that was a more involved cake and i need something quick to fall back on. this just might be that cake that i turn to.

5 large egg whites, room temp
1 cup soy milk cream, room temp, i used organic valley
345 grams cake flour, sifted
350 grams sugar
1 TBL + 1 tsp baking powder
¾ tsp salt
1 1/2 sticks soy margarine cut in cubes, room temp, i used earth balance

preheat oven 350F

prep two 8″ round pans, grease/flour/whatever

in a glass measuring cup mix the egg whites with 1/4 cup of the soy creamer. set aside

in mixing bowl, sift together the dry ingredients. add in the butter and remaining soy creamer and mix until moistened. in increments of 3 add in the egg/soy creamer mixture to the batter, scraping down the sides continuously. beat on medium until batter is fully incorporated

divide batter evenly between the two prepared pans.

bake for 25-35 minutes. i checked on them at 30 minutes and kept them in there for another 5 minutes. the cakes do rise to the very brim of the pan (my pans are 8×2″). allow to cool in pan for 10 minutes, the cakes will pull from the sides just slightly. invert onto wire racks and cool completely. cover with plastic wrap, can be left out at room temp for 2 days, in fridge for 5 days, or frozen for up to 2 months.

vegan cream cheese frosting

12 oz tofutti cream cheese, room temp
1 stick of vegan margarine, i used earth balance
3 1/2 cups powdered sugar
optional: coloring gel. i used a dab of wilton’s pink

in a standard mixer, beat the cream cheese and margarine until fluffy and incorporated. gradually add the powdered sugar, scraping down the sides often. use your best judgement on consistency. you can add more or less powdered sugar depending on how warm your house is, or how comfortable you are with thicker frosting.

chocolate glaze

6oz of good chocolate, at least 70% cacao
half stick of margarine

place ingredients in a heat safe bowl over a pot of simmering water. be sure that not a drop of water gets into the bowl. it’ll make the chocolate seize and that shit’s just ugly. mix well. mixture will be shiny and smooth.

to assemble

i made this a 4 layer cake, so dw halved the two layers for me into equal 1″ layers. stack the layers accordingly, with frosting between. crumb coat, leave in fridge for 30 minutes. do final coat of frosting as smooth as you can. finally, pour the chocolate glaze over top, do this slowly, and smooth out the top so that it spills artfully over the sides. believe me when i tell you that it’s not as easy as it sounds, just be patient.

BAM!

chocolate kissed white cake

another of my cakes: minty snow cake