pull apart bread – two flavors

Pull Apart Bread

i remember the first time
i successfully made bread
i was smug
oh was i so smug
i declared ridiculous things
like,
it’s so easy, anybody can do it
it’s the best thing, in the world
and the worst:
i’m never buying bread at the store again
the me today would’ve slapped the me then
because that shit’s just silly

i don’t have a kid,
i have a husband
our weekends are usually jammed packed
with social things
like,
wandering the mall before a matinee
and deciding to kill 30 minutes
playing skeeball at Dave&Buster’s
or,
doing nothing
while we watch water boil
most weekend mornings
i spend feeling guilty
for sleeping in past 8am
or
berating myself for not taking advantage
of sleeping in time
it’s exhausting
who has time to bake fresh bread
with all that?

unless one’s husband is sick
and there’s much more time
to spend in the kitchen
and there’s a work event
that requires some smug-like
bread baking —
then bread is made

Pull Apart Bread

pull apart bread – two flavors:
cinnamon sugar + citrus love (dairy free)
adapted from Baking for All Occasions by Flo Braker

note: these loaves were made weeks ago, when dw was super sick and didn’t even get a chance to eat any. i will be making this again for him, eventually. my favorite combo was the cinnamon sugar but the smell of orange zest was very intoxicating.
also, these will puff out during baking so have the pans on a cookie sheet to catch any dough that may overflow. i learned this the hard way.

12 1/4 oz AP flour
1 3/4 oz sugar
2 1/4 tsp yeast
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 cup so delicious coconut creamer
4 TBL earth balance vegan butter, melted
1/4 cup water
2 large eggs, room temperature

filling
1/2 cup granulated sugar
zest of 2 large organic oranges
2 oz earth balance vegan butter, melted

OR
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 oz earth balance vegan butter, melted
2 TBL cinnamon

cream cheese icing
3 oz tofutti cream cheese, softened
1 1/4 oz powdered sugar
juice of half an orange
splash of so delicious coconut creamer, if needed to thin

in stand mixer bowl, stir together 9oz of the AP, sugar, yeast and salt. in a saucepan, melt the coconut creamer and vegan butter on low, until butter is melted. add in the 1/4 cup water. aim for 120F – 130F.

pour the mixture into mixer bowl, stir with spatula. using the paddle attachment, and the mixer on low, add in the eggs, one at a time, mixing until just incorporated. add remaining flour and mix on low until dough is smooth, and slightly sticky. sprinkle counter top with a bit of flour, and turn dough onto it. kneed gently until dough is smooth and no longer sticky. place dough in large bowl, covered tightly with dampened towel, and allow to rise in warm place. (i usually turn the oven to warm for about 10 minutes and then put the bowl in, turning it off but keeping the light on.) it will double in size after about an hour.

meanwhile make the filling, melt the vegan butter. set aside. mix either the sugar + cinnamon or sugar + orange zest.

when ready, take the dough out and preheat oven to 350F. lightly grease a loaf pan.

gently deflate the dough. it will be sticky, dust the counter top with a bit of flour. roll out dough into 20X12 rectangle (honestly, i rolled it out to however long/big my counter space is, without the dough getting too thin. use your best judgement.) using a brush, spread the melted butter over the dough. sprinkle over top with either the orange filling or the cinnamon-sugar filling. with a pizza cutter cut the dough cross-wise into 6 strips, make it as even as possible, or not. carefully stack the strips on top of each other and then cut strips into 5 squares. lift the squares and fit them into the prepared loaf pan. filling the space might be tight lengthwise, i tilted the pan down and let gravity help. there will be space on either sides of the dough width-wise. fret not, the dough will rise again and fill out the pan during the final resting/rising period.

after the final rising, bake bread for about 30 minutes. transfer to wire rack and let cool in pan for about 10 minutes. after that time, i did slide them out to cool completely on the rack before putting them back in the pans for safe keeping.

to make the icing, mix the softened tofutti cream cheese with powdered sugar and squeeze of half an orange. mix until well incorporated. for a nice runny consistency, add a splash of coconut creamer, at your own discretion.

serve warm or at room temp.
i would think they’d last a few days, well covered, in fridge, but honestly, they were eaten up by my office coworkers in one go.

Pull Apart Bread

Chocolate Ginger Molasses Cookies

Chocolate Ginger Molasses Cookies

the thing is
oh the thing is:
i don’t like molasses
i hate the smell of it
its burnt smell
that makes me gag
i even hate the way it
slowly pours out of the bottle
like,
hurry the fuck up already
and yet
inexplicably
i like me a good molasses cookie
chewy
snappy
a cloying sweet
that, if done correctly,
is cut by the sharpness of ginger
and maybe nutmeg
(which is something i also hate)
then the addition of chocolate
genius
i’m serious
the added creaminess that
the chocolate brings to the cookie
evens out the sharpness of the ginger,
which as mentioned before,
has to cut the cloyness of the molasses
which has lost its burnt odor
instead, there’s just cloves
and cinnamon wafting
every ingredient has a function

Chocolate Ginger Molasses Cookies

i made these cookies for
my foodie penpal alyssa
but i managed to steal 2 4
that didn’t fit in the box
when i make these again
i’ll see about keeping
the chocolate chunks bigger

Chocolate Ginger Molasses Cookies

Chocolate Ginger Molasses Cookies (vegan)
adapted from Martha Stewart

note: we don’t have cable anymore and i saw an episode of martha bakes on PBS and she made these. i made fun of her for only baking 3 cookies at a time. don’t do that, make fun of her that is. she knows her shit. these cookies spread. i was still smarting over it and baked 4 at a time. makes for more batches but trust me, worth it. correction, trust martha.
also, i doubled most of the flavor ingredients, cus i like a punch in your face impact.

7 oz best-quality chocolate, rough chopped
1 tsp baking soda
1 stick vegan butter, i use earth balance, at room temp
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
2 TBLS freshly grated ginger
1 1/2 cups plus 1 TBL AP flour
2 TBLS cocoa powder
2 1/2 tsps ground ginger
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 cup molasses

to roll dough in:
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/8 cup of sweet ground chocolate, i used ghiradelli

chop chocolate into chunks, set aside. (alternatively, you can use chips too, i won’t judge)
dissolve baking soda in 1 1/2 teaspoons hot water; set aside

using a mixer with paddle attachment, cream vegan butter and brown sugar until combined. add the fresh ginger and mix. in a bowl, sift all the remaining dry ingredients, in increments add to butter mixture, mix until combined

next, add the slow ass molasses and baking soda mixture. mix in the chocolate. transfer to fridge. ignore it for a few hours, i ignored it for about 24 hours. it happens

when ready, preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line baking sheets with parchment paper

mix the granulated sugar and sweet ground chocolate on a plate. using an ice cream scoop, or whatever, scoop out dough and roll into balls, then roll around in the sugar + chocolate mixture. transfer balls onto lined baking sheets, fridge for 20 minutes. (martha reversed that step, good for her. i wanted to get that step over with, go from fridge to oven…) bake for 15-18 minutes, allow to cool for 5 minutes and then transfer to wire rack until cool completely.

BAM.

Chocolate Ginger Molasses Cookies

january | remember

January

today’s the last day of the month
which means
it’s the first day
of the Year of the Horse

park bench

may this new year be:
prosperous
joyful
flavorful
simple
healthy

waffles

felt … falling snow, wet and hard and unforgiving. this winter has been brutal. 30F has actually felt balmy around these parts.
saw … perfect 20/20 vision. my lasik procedure was a success and while i’m still recuperating, it’s been a revelation to wake up to an in focus world.
reada book! actually, still reading it and i’m serious, i’m about 18% in and my heart is breaking already

seeds

a few pinterest & internet discoveries:
||i have a serious thing for tutus and sequins
||i don’t even like camping, but how delightful does this look?
||i have my heart set on making this, even though we’ve been shedding books
||i’m a fan of this solemn man and i need his action figure in my life
||this is magical
||my creative writing professor never gave us this assignment, thank gawd
||i loved this read so so SO MUCH: What’s wrong with me? Plenty. But that was never the point.

spoons

photo captions:
||it’s not so much the snow that kills me, it’s the damn cold. it’s like a soul-sucking siege, a state of which i see no end of
||weekends in general means dw makes breakfast. i’m not complaining, the man spoils me rotten
||not seeing these seeds any longer at the markets, meaning the season is over… meaning, winter needs to make her exit now already
||i walked into michael’s for yarn and walked out with these spoons, completely unnecessary
||finally, i signed up for a foodie penpal thing back in november. it happened to fall during a busy time and can i just tell you, seeing a package on my desk after an absence from the office was just what i needed. my penpal Alyssa sent me some trader joe’s ingredients and cookies will be forthcoming, i’ve had an idea floating in my head for the last 3 weeks and it just might be born this weekend… stay tuned. meanwhile, to join the fun, go here

choclate

last. i must share this with you. my current celebrity crush is tom hiddleston. i like me a bad boy and he as loke had me quivering. this is him doing a reading of ee cummings’ may i feel said he. swoon

kale + tofu balls with pasta

kale + tofu balls with pasta

when i lived with my grandparents
school let out before they got off work
i went to an after school center
where i received tutoring for my homework
or i played with other kids in similar
situations
on occasion this place would
take us on field trips
one such field trip was to the local
roller skating rink
i was not a klutzy child,
not more than the usual
actually,
i was quite coordinated at sports
but put round wheels on my shoes
and it was a mess
i fell on my ass more times
than i was standing
and no lie
the next day i could not poop

now,
there is potential scientific
and/or medical proof
that falling on your rear from
roller skating impedes your
daily constitution
in fact
my dear friend Nuria
& i discussed it
something about bruising
and all that
so there is a correlation
between the poop and roller skating
plus, that’s what gpa told me
and i believed him

kale + tofu balls with pasta

i’m still a shitty
roller skater
and ever since
my colonoscopy a few
years ago
i’ve been very meticulous
about what i eat
there are always greens in the house
i always reach for the kale
or spinach
or beet greens
or collard greens
or mustard greens
anything verdant
when at the markets
because pooping is important

and that’s it for the TMI stuff

kale + tofu balls with pasta

kale + tofu balls with pasta
this is an updated version of my original recipe, with actual exact measurements!!

note: i have a soft spot for baby greens: spinach, kale, arugala/rocket. they’re more tender and honestly, cuter. any greens would be fine with this recipe, i’ve made it with dinosaur kale before and it turned out fine. also, i’ve made it with regular firm tofu and it was fine too.

makes about 22 golf-sized balls, with pasta serves 4-6

2 containers of extra firm tofu (28 oz), excess water squeezed out, i use nasoya
1 carrot (about 1.8 oz) minced
1/2 red onion (about 3 oz) minced
5.5 oz baby kale, rough chopped
3 cloves garlic, divided & minced
1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional)
2 TBL nutritional yeast
3 TBL panko flakes
8 TBL olive oil, divided
3 TBL parsley, minced
pasta of choice

first squeeze out as much water as you can from the tofu blocks. i normally wrap them in a clean kitchen towel and put a heavy bottom pot filled with cans to weigh it down on top. if i plan ahead i do it the night before, or i leave it on the counter while i do other kitchen duties.

get your mise en place in order: wash, skin and mince carrots. mince the onions and garlic. rough chop the baby kale.

heat 2 TBL olive oil in pan, medium high heat. add in the onions, garlic and carrots, saute for a few minutes until softened. i generally shoot for the onions to get translucent. season with salt & pepper. turn off heat and quickly add in the baby kale. the residual heat will wilt it down. set aside to cool.

in a mixing bowl, crumble the tofu. you’re aiming for pea-sized crumbles. add in the panko flakes, nutritional yeast, red pepper flakes if using, and sauteed baby kale mixture. with your hands mix everything together. season again with salt & pepper. you’re going for texture here. depending on how much water was squeezed out of the tofu, you want to be able to form/mold balls. you may need to add more binding, like water, or add in more noosh or panko flakes to soak up excess moisture. just remember, you’re going to fry up these babies, too much water or too dry, and it will not work.

form your balls.

in the same pan, heat up 1 TBL of olive oil. carefully fry the balls up until golden on all sides. i was able to do this in two batches. keep the balls warm by putting on cookie sheet lined with a paper towel in the oven, set at warm.

meanwhile, cook up the pasta according to package instructions. i used linguine.

while the pasta is cooking, in the same pan you used to saute the vegs and fry up the balls, heat up the remaining olive oil, on medium low. you’re not aiming to get it scorching hot. add in the final minced clove of garlic and warm through. when pasta is cooked to liking, add it to the warmed garlic oil and toss to coat. add in the parsley.

divvy up pasta in bowls and top with kale tofu balls. BAM!

kale + tofu balls with pasta

crochet | minecraft creeper hats

Crocheted Creeper Hats

this weather
gawd
this weather!
does anyone else have this problem:
(or is it just me)
(it’s probably just me)
the inability to defrost the car windows
i’ve owned two
vehicles in my life
and i’m the worst at
messing with the various
knobs & buttons
which i think is a
good time to request
a lexus
with ass warmers
cus then waiting for
the windows to defog
would be more bearable

anyway
this weather
it’s cold & dreary
it’s sunny & mild
then,
there’s talk of blizzards
and polar vortexes
it’s usually around this time
of year i get fanatical
about taking vitamins
forcing hot broth on poor dw
making him wear socks to bed
(his feet get sooooo cold)
but for all my cautiousness
poor dw is sick
and i’m doing what i can
to get him back to health,
while dodging the illness myself

Crocheted Creeper Hats

now if i could just get him
to wear a scarf
and hat consistently…
we are a one-car household
i drop him off at
the edge of town in the mornings
and he walks the rest of the way
we have a designated place
to meet at the end of the day
sometimes
he’s left standing around
waiting for my slow driving ass
it’s cold son!
unlike him,
our nephews wear hats
and for xmas this year
i crocheted
Creeper hats for them
i asked for their best
Thug Look
and this is what i got
they’re so flippin adorable
we’re like a really small
Gang

Crocheted Creeper Hats

i used this pattern as a guide.

photos used with permission from Jonas Wilson