surely you know what i mean
when i describe the feeling of “behind”
the constant running in place
the lack of any kind of results
despite all the effort
it’s shitty, yo
my gpa passed some weeks ago
after living a full & long life
he is the first male role model i looked up to
he taught me how to buy cigarettes for him
at age 9
i learned to pick lottery numbers
by looking at license plates
he found a tricycle in the dumpster,
painted it fire engine red
and then stood outside for hours
while i furiously tryked around the courtyard
he was the personification of
grace, humility and love
when i first encountered our transgender neighbor,
a viewpoint that i hold most close & dear to my heart
to this day
this dessert is an ode to him
he introduced me to mille feuilles
many many many years ago
i have a life-long wish to taste
these treats in france one day
(dw are you reading this? let’s make it happen…)
normally this pastry is
layered with pastry cream
and then topped with a swirly
chocolate icing
i’ve lightened it up with
citrus curd
in an effort to move forward,
to go into the light
citrus curd mille-feuille – dairy free & semi-homemade
makes 3 3-layered napoleons
1 pkg of puff pastry, i used pepperidge farm as it’s pareve, i used just one sleeve, thawed
citrus curd –
3 eggs
1 TBL lemon zest
1/4 cup of honey
1/2 cup lemon juice
4 TBL of coconut oil
for the pastry:
preheat oven to 425F
the pastry is folded in thirds, unfold them on a lined cookie sheet. with a sharp knife cut into 3 strips, along already formed fold
for each strip, cut 3 even pieces. alternatively you can bake the strips, assemble the entire concoction and then cut it, up to you
lay out the pieces/strips on the lined cookie sheet and then layer with another piece of parchment paper. place another cookie sheet on top (this keeps the pastry from puffing up too much). bake for about 15-18 minutes, remove top sheet and bake for 4-5 minutes further, until lightly golden
remove from oven, allow to cool before assembly
for the curd:
in a saucepan, whisk together the eggs, lemon zest and honey, until lightly colored
add the lemon juice and the coconut oil, whisking constantly to prevent lumps and promote even melting
cook over medium heat, whisking consistently until mixture thickens
remove from heat, and if necessary, strain curd through a fine mesh sieve
fridge for a few hours to cool and thicken further, will keep for about a week
to assemble:
lay down first layer of pastry and smear on a healthy dose of curd, top with another layer of pastry and again, smear. top with final layer and top with powdered sugar.
bam!
morestomach 
Sorry about your gpa. He sounds like a cool fella.
Oh, and your napoleons look amazing. They are as beautiful as the ones you will see in France someday soon!
thank you, bonnie, for your kind words!
Such a gorgeous recipe. I love your write-up as well!
hi anjana, thank you!
So sorry about your gpa Lan, he sounds like a wonderful man. Beautiful dessert, love the citrus curd.
thank you cheri
Such a sweet tribute to your grandfather. He sounds like an amazing person…. and that tricycle he got you? So fun. I hope you get to go to France sometime, but meanwhile, you can dessert as if you are already there.
thanks so much sophie!
My deepest sympathies. I know how much your grandfather meant to you.
I had a green tea mille feuille recently that was amaaazing. There were 24 layers of the thinnest crepes. 24! Of course, I counted. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a version as good as that.
If you ever go to Paris, you must try Pierre Herme for macarons and kouign amann and caneles and croissants. I took my haul to a park nearby, intending to just take a bite and save the rest for later. I may have eaten almost everything because it was just that good. I literally gaped in awe at each bite, looking around and wondering why there wasn’t a line out the door. Forget the over-hyped Laduree, the green pastel boxes look nice, but the pastries were not mind-blowing. And if you go all the way to Paris, you want your pastry experience to be out of this world!
thanks chi WC. i’m sorry we weren’t able to meet up this go-’round.
i will definitely reach out to you for tips/pointers on where to go if we ever make it out to Paris!
Lovely post. Condolences on your grandpapa.
I love mille feuilles but never considered making it myself. I remember going to a French style market (here in New Zealand) and stumbling over the word. The seller corrected me with good humour and flourish and now when I say mille feuilles, I cannot help but say it with theatre and projection as he did.
I have puff pastry in the freezer at all times and all the other ingredients listed too. It’s hard to imagine that it’s been years since I had mille feuilles but I have all the ingredients at hand.
The one thing I don’t have is coconut oil. Could butter be substituted for coconut oil?
hi genie,
hopefully you received my email.
thank you for your kind words.
yes butter can be used in lieu of the coconut oil. if you want you can increase the amount to up to 6 tablespoons and it’ll come out even creamier
please let me know how it turns out for you.
I have never had mille feuilles before, let alone the dairy free one. This dessert hits every note on my sweet list; I need to plan my menu for this one.
Love your beautiful writing, Lan.
thank you pang.
So sorry to hear about your loss. Probably you’ve heard it a lot, but it does get easier with time.
This post is so beautiful as is the mille feuille!
I’m sorry for your loss, Lan. Even though that vacant spot will never be filled physically, memories make a lovely watercoloured paintbrush. xoxo
(Stunning mille feuille!)