nowadays the conversation
inevitably turns to children
it’s that Time, you see,
after Marriage
actually,
it’s been that Time
for awhile,
since i’m in my 30s
i like kids
though it has been easy in
the past for me to say otherwise
truth be told,
i adore children
but since i was sixteen
i’ve been assertively
against procreating
i have a running tally of
Reasons Why I Don’t Want Children
it’s in the millions right now
the main reason though,
the only reason that counts:
i don’t want to be a Mother
it has nothing to do with
the fact that i didn’t meet
bio mom until i was 30
or that i have barely concealed
passive aggressive emotions
twds my stepmother
but it has everything to do
with the fact that
motherhood is just not my thing
know what is my thing though?
being an aunt
like i said
i like children,
other people’s children
i see a kid
of holding in your arms age
and i will butt in line,
elbow grandmothers out of the way
to hopefully be the first Asian
to hold that child
when poop and tears make an
appearance
the package is returned
and my uterus can stop panicking
dw is a fine man
i wouldn’t have balled&chained him
if he wasn’t
and everybody knows
my lurve for him is so deep
the goddamn ocean is jealous
so when i see him like this
my ovaries quiver
and i start to think about
having babies with this man
and how our kid would likely
have shitty eyes
cus both of us have shitty eyes
or that our kid would be lanky
cus lord knows dw has a bottomless pit of a stomach
despite the amount of food he puts away
and i was all knees & elbows
until i discovered alcohol
and the Waffle House in college
he makes me realize that
fathers do participate
willingly,
that motherhood with him
could be my thing
if only the other million + one
Reasons Why I Don’t Want Children
didn’t exist
diy toy kitchen & what i learned:
|| i’m useless with carpentry stuff: i’d been wanting to make a toy kitchen since before pinterest came along. so when dw’s friends’ kid expressed interest in the culinary arts i decided the time had come. i basically told dw what i wanted and he went forth and made like Jesus and did a bunch of wood-working while i sat on the couch & told him what to do.
|| things add up: we thought that it’d be a quick and cheap project. then we realized we didn’t have any tools, like, oh, a drill. in the end it still was a relatively inexpensive endeavor because we added to our inventory of tools. i meant to keep tabs on all the costs but with the holidays and birthdays the receipts got annoying.
|| dw is detail oriented. i wanted knobs, he measured every single space to ensure it all lined up and made sense. had it been me, i would’ve plopped the dang things anywhere there was a smooth surface.
|| on the one side of the stand that i did not photograph there is a dry erase magnet board attached to it, for menus or you know, doodling. initially i wanted to paint a chalkboard surface but it seemed a lot of work.
|| miniature kitchen tools are adorable. i damn near bought an entire set for fake cooking use.
|| for the sink, the bowl is actually a doggie dish from the dollar store and the faucet is a plastic pipe i painted grey.
|| for the burners, i bought wooden circle thingies from Michael’s and painted the top red. i almost did the spiral but again, it seemed like a lot of work.
|| the side table was a craigslist purchase for $15, it used to be a record stand holder.
inspiration & resources:
i wanted a backboard to either put a shelf or hang kitchen tools.
for extra counter space.
knobs are from anthropology.
other supplies from Ace Hardware and Home Depot and Michael’s.
morestomach 
This is amazing, Lan! You and DW make one hell of a team, and I can’t imagine your friend’s son would be anything but over the damn moon for this. Just wow.
thanks Carey!
So when your friend’s son gets done with this, can I play with it? Is it wrong to say that I’m jealous of a child???? PS, you made my heart so happy with that picture of Lib and DW…..and yes, you were her very first Asian!
wendi, you and me both! i kept thinking how much i would’ve wanted something like this to bang pots & pans around when i was a kid. let me know if this is something you would want for Miss Libby next year!
PS. i love that pic of her with dw, she is too stinking cute!
Oh my gosh. This is still the cutest thing ever (I first saw it on your IG feed). You guys are awesome! Being the Fun Aunt is a job I take quite seriously as well. I was extremely pleased with the gifts I chose for our nieces for Christmas, and it turns out they did not already own Lincoln Logs (score!) and the stilts were a huge hit too! Yay! We’re also not so sure about having our own kids. But we love kids. And in March I get a brand-new nephew!!
when you say stilts, do you mean those thingys clowns walk around on to make them taller? cus what a great gift!
and, HOORAY FOR BABIES THAT AREN’T OURS.
Yes 🙂 Those are the ones! I had a homemade wooden pair when I was young that I loved. I am not handy like you guys, so we purchased plastic stilts from Amazon.
I think you will make an amazing mom! I love your honesty and openness which just tells how clean your heart is. And that diy toy kitchen is so freaking CUTE!
thank you so much kankana!
That is incredible! My hubby and I have talked about building a toy kitchen for my daughter together. Now that we don’t have scuba diving in common (that’s how we met, and what we did in all of our spare time, before we had our kid – reason #895,013, by the way) we’ve been searching for a project or activity to share. You know, after the kid is asleep and we both have about five minutes of energy left before falling into bed, exhausted (reason #457,349). Anyways, I think you’ve inspired me to make it happen. And I’m sure, once it does, she’ll play with it for seven minutes and then forget it ever existed (reason #3002).
i say you make her one. you’ve been cooking up a storm and i’m sure she sees you in the kitchen tinkering around, she will imitate you. our friends put the toy kitchen right next to theirs and their son has been playing with it, the pic they sent of him is so precious!
worst case, this is a great, GREAT gift.
when I was that on IG, i was sooo impressed. Probably the best gift for DW’s friends son..about motherhood, I am the same way but i think once you start the process, maybe it will become real, exciting, and everything you have ever wanted.
i’m already wondering how we’re going to top it next year!
My freak has been freaked.
you crack me up.